Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
