i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
