you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
