I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
