god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
