Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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