What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
