Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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