i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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