mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
