I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
