Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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