just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
