Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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