the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
