There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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