3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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