laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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