god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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