I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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