I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
