Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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