Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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