feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
