Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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