im six kinds of drunk right now
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
