I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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