you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am naked and annoyed.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
