all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
