By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
