I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
