I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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