i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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