dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
