so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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