Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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