There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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