Only a mothe r could love this liver
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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