I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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