just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
