you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
