she peed on how many people?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
