I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
