she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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