Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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