i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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