she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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