Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
