I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
