I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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