So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
